Costumes!

You may remember Meredith's cow costume from last year. Since I can't resist, here's a reminder of how cute (and little!) she was last year at this time:

Every so often she sees that cow costume in her closet and wants to put it on. It doesn't fit quite as well now...


What should Meredith be this year? Well, we got a package in the mail from my parents about a month ago with two costumes they had picked up at garage sales, in case they might fit Meredith. They are both adorable!




It is roasting down here in Florida, so the costumes are a little hot, but we're continuing to hope for a cool evening tomorrow as we take Meredith for her first brief trick-or-treating outing. Not sure which one she'll wear yet, though the Froggie is my favorite!

an addendum to the "Stop" entry

I learned today from Meredith's teacher that they had NOT discussed that the stop sign was the shape of an octagon at school (she figured it was too advanced for these little guys). That means that Meredith either learned it from a puzzle she has with different shapes that we have done with her, OR more likely, from watching this clip with me probably 3-4 times because I LOVE it so much....

"Stop!"

This week is "safety awareness" week at Meredith's preschool. She came home yesterday with a sticker on her shirt shaped like a little silver sheriff's badge that said "Seat Belt Patrol", along with something she painted that had a picture of a policeman and said "Obey the Law!". But most importantly, she brought home an "ah-gun".

Come again?

You know, an "ah-gun." She eagerly pointed to a little red stop sign that she made out of construction paper (with sparkles around the edge), mounted on a paper towel roll, and repeated it: "ah-gun".

I asked "What do you want to do again?" -- though she usually says "a-gin" for "again" I thought maybe I just heard her wrong. We had been playing some games with the sign, so maybe she wanted to do something again? The "stop" and "go" game had been legitimately fun, I have to admit....she would hold up the sign and yell " 'TOP! " and we'd have to stop until she said "Go!" again. But we weren't playing a game right then, so something wasn't right.

"Ah-gun" -- her little hand pointed at the stop sign.

I tried my usual maneuvering...."Yeah, that's a stop sign. What does it say? S - T - O - P. Stop! Is that a stop sign?"

"Ah-gun."

Then, once again, Mommy came through for the win.....

"Are you saying that it is an OCTAGON?"

"YEAH!! Ah-gun!!!"

We have a child genius on our hands, folks. Luckily, when she woke up this morning and the first word out of her mouth was "ah-gun" we knew what she wanted.

Exciting news!

We have some exciting news that we want to shout from the mountaintops, but for now, to speed things up, a blog post will have to do!

Over the last year or so, we have been looking into our options for adopting a second child, this time adopting an infant domestically. We have had an application registered with an adoption agency since January and have also been connected with an attorney who specializes in adoption cases. The attorney provides case-by-case information to a large pool of potential adoptive parents (via email) each time he has a new case in which a pregnant woman would like to make an adoption plan. We have applied for cases with him in the past (even before we got Meredith) but obviously nothing ever came of it.

So I'll cut to the chase. Last Thursday we sent an application for a new case. This Monday, the attorney called us to say we were the top choice of the couple who want to place their child. Yesterday (two days later) we had the opportunity to meet with the birthparents to make sure that they were comfortable with choosing us, and that we were comfortable moving forward with an adoption plan. Praise God, we had a really good meeting with them and all four of us left with confidence that this was going to work out really well. Which means.....

*** We would like to announce the anticipated arrival of a new baby into our family, coming in late March 2010!! ***

That's the important part of this post! You can stop reading now if you're busy, or if you're satisfied with that info and not desperate for details. Now if you've got some time on your hands to read more details, we know people have lots of questions for us so we're trying to give you some info to go on.

MORE DETAILS.....

Below is some information, and you can feel free to ask us other questions too, though sometimes the answers will be things that we can't or won't share. Our philosophy is that our child should be the first to get (and choose whether to share) substantial information about his/her birth parents and their situation, so (as with Meredith) we are respecting both the parents' privacy and our child's life story by limiting the info we share with everyone else.

That said, here are some things you might be interested in:


BACKGROUND OF THE BABY

A few facts:

* due date is estimated at March 25, 2010
* the baby will be almost 3 years younger than Meredith (who'll turn 3 in June)
* the birth will be in Jacksonville, Florida (about 90 minutes from us); we will bring him or her home from the hospital
* the birthmother is in her late 30s, and has given birth before (full-term, healthy birthweight)
* both birthparents have provided detailed background info and family medical history for us and our child to have access to
* as of now, we are all planning to be surprised about the gender of the baby at the birth!

We are so thankful that we will be able to tell this child several things about both of his/her birthparents. We will be able to tell him or her that even though they were at a rough place in life, they were loving and committed to each other (they are in fact married - unusual but not unheard of for people placing a child). We will be able to tell him or her that they made an adoption plan early in the pregnancy because they were sure that this would be the best way for their child to have his/her needs met in a healthy family setting, and they wanted that family to be involved right away. We will be able to say that they chose us among several other families, based on a questionnaire about our family and our values, and that they were excited that this child would have a big sister! We will be able to tell our child what their birthparents look like, what they like to do, and a bit of what their personalities are like. It is such a special gift to say we will be able to tell our child about both birthmother and birthfather - this is often rare in adoption situations. Someday, we will be able to tell our child a bit about the situation their birthparents were in at the time of placement, and why it made sense for them to choose adoption. (If you are wondering this too, you'll need to trust that there are good reasons for us to choose gracious understanding over judgement and skepticism for these people, whom we have already come to love and respect.)

THE PROCESS BEFORE THE BIRTH

We will have contact with the birthparents through the attorney's office, and I will likely have the opportunity to join the birthmother on a couple of her routine doctor visits, hopefully when there is an ultrasound. I was afraid she'd feel awkward, or like I was "checking up" on her if I came along, but she helped me get more excited about this because she wants me to get a chance to experience news about the baby in real time, alongside her. She is a really sweet and thoughtful person; though in many ways she's very practical and stoic (and I can relate to that), I could recognize how she was starting to get excited for me as a first-timer in this stuff. It makes such a difference to think that we could enjoy these appointments together, so I am now looking forward to them! Right now we don't anticipate any other meetings, until we're all there at the hospital in late March (where I may be in the room for the birth....that's still to be determined. Those who know my reaction to even a commercial for any medical drama on TV know why I'm nervous!).

Other than doctor visits and the birth, the attorney handles the day-to-day issues of making sure the birthmother has what she needs during these next 6 months, which will include both physical needs and opportunities to be counseled through the process and make sure it is a healthy adoption for her. The attorney will communicate with us regarding any updates. His reputation is particularly strong for treating birthmothers well, which we think is incredibly important. This reputation was confirmed with the director of the crisis pregnancy center that has been involved in the case so far (she also attended our meeting yesterday, which was at the center) -- she specifically said that she likes it when women choose to work with this attorney because he really recognizes and appreciates their situations and makes sure they are never taken advantage of. With the horror stories out there of women who feel their babies were taken from them by pressure from attorneys, agencies, or crisis pregnancy centers, this healthy situation we are in is something we value very highly.


COMMITMENT/FINALIZATION ISSUES

The way that the adoption process works in Florida, the birthmother cannot legally consent to our adoption until after the baby is born (the paperwork is generally signed at the hospital a day or two after birth, but then is legally binding at that point unless she could prove fraud or duress). In other words, we are part of an adoption plan right now that we have every reason to expect will move to completion, but it is legally possible for the mother to change her mind at any time. We think it's fair and just for her to maintain that right, but she has also made clear that she has absolutely no intention of exercising it. The support of her husband and extended family helps solidify this plan.

There are two ways we could proceed from here.

We could be cautious, recognize the worst-case-scenario, and not really plan for the baby to be ours until he or she is in our arms in late March. This in some ways feels like a natural, protective response to the risk we are taking. It creates at least an illusion that we wouldn't be so heartbroken if it didn't work out, since we weren't "setting ourselves up" for it.

But we have decided not to take that approach. Between the judgement of the attorney (who has lots of experience, as well as being a Christian and an adoptive parent himself) and our own judgement in terms of meeting with the birthparents yesterday, the odds of a failed adoption look low. I liken it to the risks of things like health problems or even miscarriage: they are always a risk, but you cannot live in the shadow of what might happen...you plan for a healthy baby and then change course if you have to, with God's strength. Similarly, we are planning for this baby to be ours, and if the unthinkable happens and he or she does not become ours, we will surely be heartbroken and depend on God to sustain through that difficult time. But we are not going to live in anxiety for the next six months anticipating this -- instead, we are going to plan for things to move ahead as anticipated. If you find it hard not to worry on our behalf, we'd love for you to pray instead!

LIFE WITH BABY

It is gonna be a wild ride - but probably not the adoption part, just the baby part (ack! a newborn! exciting but terrifying!). But as far as the adoption goes....after the child is placed with us (at the hospital) the adoption goes through various legal finalization processes over the following months that should be straightforward. Our ongoing agreement with the birthparents is to provide quarterly updates/photos for them to enjoy, for as long as they would like to receive them. Having met some birthmothers before (via a really interesting meeting organized by our adoptive families support group) we know that these can provide just the assurance that is needed that their child is thriving and safe in the world. I believe these will be sent through the attorney's office. It seems like this is becoming a sort of standard plan for a "semi-open" adoption. A more open arrangement would involve continuing in-person contact, while a confidential arrangement would break all ties completely. The nature of our agreement in this area is not in terms of a legal obligation, but rather one in which we will be committed to whatever agreement we make on a personal level. These birthparents are entrusting us with their precious child, and we will honor any and every promise we make to them.

Finally, most importantly, you probably want to know what Meredith thinks about all of this (this is her blog after all). The question, "Would you like us to have a baby come and live in our house?", was met with a matter-of-fact, "No."

Oh well! We've got 6 months to convince her, and if she's not convinced, she will just be stuck!

We are so grateful for all of you. Thanks for reading, and for your support and prayers in the coming months.